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Oh, Doris, did you see that jaw-dropping news about Taylor Swift signing that jaw-droppingly massive $250 million movie and music deal with Universal? Honestly, it’s like she’s hoarding all the glitter in Hollywood while the rest of us are left fighting over the crumbs! [Aunt Karen dramatically fans herself] I swear, a friend of the barista with great ears confided that even the studio execs are shook and whispering, “How does one woman pull off this level of domination?” Meanwhile, the barely-there acting lessons she took are suddenly the hottest ticket in town. Envy alert, loud and clear!
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