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Oh, darling, you would not believe the latest bombshell [Karen gasps dramatically] lighting up Hollywood faster than a paparazzi flash! Our beloved starlet, whose name we shall reveal with bated breath, just landed a movie deal so lavish, it’s got the entire Tinseltown tongue-tied – yes, yes, the kind of deal that sparkles brighter than the Walk of Fame on Oscar night. Meanwhile, Karen’s still trying to get a meeting to pitch her niece’s homemade web series. Classic!
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